Bill, an avid reader of Sports Illustrated, sat under a big umbrella in his backyard one afternoon drinking a cold glass of lemonade and reading his favorite issue. The swimsuit addition. He turned the page to a very good looking woman wearing a red two piece swimsuit. He rested his eyes on this page for a spell, until it came. It flew onto the page interrupting the view of his fantasy sweetheart. Bill jerked the magazine to make it fly away. It did. But it came back disturbing his view again. Bill angrily jerked the magazine again. The pest took to the air again. “Stupid bug!” Bill mumbled.

Forgetting his frustrations, Bill happily opened the magazine to the page that held the girl of his dreams. Her dark hair and fair skin blended well with her swimsuit. As he wondered who her suit was made by, “Buzzz!” an annoying sound rang out assuring Bill of the continuation of an attack. This time the bug brought along his buddies.

The first attacker landed on Bill’s left arm. Bill swatted at him, missing and slapping his arm as the fly darted away. Then another fly came and landed on his cheek. Bill went for a swift and ferocious swat, but the fly escaped the blow and Bill smashed his face bringing a puddle of tears to his right eye as the blow was, in fact, swift and ferocious. Bill shouted some colorful adjectives, rolled up his magazine, and then it was on. Bill stood to his feet ready to tango.

Another fly and its wingman charged toward Bill buzzing both ears. Without an exact striking point, Bill went to swinging. Clubbing himself over the head, swatting himself in the face, knocking his glasses off. He never hit one fly. Bill was furious! His face beet red and horns sprouting from the top of his head, Bill shouted, “Bring it on!” Bill positioned and readied himself to kick some bug butt! The flies were more than happy to oblige him.

They swarmed on Bill, circling around him and attacking from all directions. Bill fought the fight of his life, swatting and cussing and swinging at everything he could. He was a wold man! The flies hit every target on Bill that they went for. So did Bill, without ever hitting a single fly. By the time the fight was over pages of Bill’s magazine were ripped and strewn all about the yard. Bill had ferociously beaten himself up, not knowing his wife was watching the whole thing.

“Idiot!” she shouted.